Most of the emails I get about family sessions start the same way: “We want some nice photos for the wall.” This one was different. A mum on holiday in Alicante area reached out because she wanted her preteen and teenage daughters to walk away from a camera feeling good about themselves — not just to end up with a nice print, but to have an experience that told them something true about who they are.

That’s a different kind of photoshoot to plan for. And it worked — not because of a lighting setup or a posing trick, but because of something the research on child development has been saying for years: children don’t build confidence by being told they’re confident. They build it by having real experiences where they do something a little brave, and someone who matters notices.

Here’s how the session went, and the psychology behind why it left both girls standing a little taller.

The Pattern I See Again and Again

I run a lot of these sessions for sisters, and the same pattern shows up more often than not: the older one — usually early teens — walks in expecting to feel awkward in front of a camera, bracing for it to be uncomfortable. The younger one, often still in single digits or just into her preteens, is excited but nervous in a different way — this is sometimes the first time she’s being photographed as “her own person” rather than tucked into a family group shot.

A few things I do differently in these sessions compared to a standard family shoot. I ask both girls for input on poses and locations rather than directing every shot myself — where they want to stand, what feels natural to them. When asked, I’ll turn the camera around and let them see the shots on the back of the screen, so they can react to their own images in real time instead of waiting weeks for a gallery. I give specific, in-the-moment feedback rather than general encouragement — “that laugh, right there, that’s the shot” lands very differently than “you look great.” And I build in a few minutes of one-on-one time with each girl separately, so it never feels like siblings are competing for the same attention or the same kind of photo.

Almost every time, somewhere around the twenty-minute mark, something shifts — they stop checking their hair between shots and start making an actual face at the camera: silly, unguarded, theirs.

By the end of a session, most children are relaxed, at ease, and genuinely excited to see the results.

Why This Actually Works: What the Research Says

I didn’t just wing this session. A lot of how I run confidence-focused shoots is shaped by what child psychologists actually know about how self-esteem gets built — particularly the ideas in Raising Mentally Strong Kids by Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Charles Fay, which looks at confidence through both a neuroscience and a parenting-psychology lens.

A few of the principles that show up directly in a session like this one:

Confidence is built by noticing, not by praising

Amen and Fay’s research points to something counterintuitive: generic praise (“you’re so pretty,” “great job”) does less for a child’s self-belief than specifically noticing a real moment of courage or effort. In a photoshoot, that looks like calling out the exact second a child drops the guarded expression and does something genuinely her own — not “you look great,” but “that laugh right there, that’s amazing, do that again.”

Children need some control over the experience

The book’s discussion of parenting styles favors what it calls the “Consultant” approach — firm structure paired with real choice — over either over-directing a child or leaving them with no guidance at all. Practically, that meant letting each girl choose a pose, a spot, or how she wanted to be photographed, rather than posing them like mannequins. Small decisions like that add up to a child feeling like an active participant in her own image instead of a passive subject of one.

Emotional validation builds trust fast

When a child says “I feel awkward” or “I don’t like how I look right now,” the instinct is often to talk them out of the feeling. The research suggests the opposite works better — naming and validating the feeling (“yeah, cameras feel weird at first, that’s normal”) builds enough trust that children relax faster than if you just push past the discomfort.

Adolescent brains are still being wired by these experiences

The book is direct about this: the tween and teen years are an active window for neural development, and repeated experiences of being seen, celebrated, and given some agency literally shape how a developing brain comes to see itself. A single afternoon isn’t a cure-all — but it’s not “just photos” either. It’s one more data point in how a child is learning to see themselves.

Why a Photoshoot, Specifically?

Confidence-building doesn’t have to happen through a camera — sports, art, and plenty of other experiences do the same job. But photography has one thing going for it that’s harder to replicate elsewhere: it produces evidence. A child can hear “you’re doing great” a hundred times and shrug it off. It’s harder to shrug off a photo of your own face, mid-laugh, looking genuinely happy — especially when you were the one who chose the moment.

My approach is to use natural light, a friendly calm and nature-filled location, and to encourage sibling shoots or mother–child/father–child shoots.

Tips for Parents Considering a Confidence Session for Their Tween or Teen

If you’re thinking about booking something similar for your own daughter or son, a few things that tend to make the biggest difference:

• Let your child in on the planning. Ask what makes them feel good — a favourite outfit, a favourite place, music they like — rather than surprising them with a fully planned session. Let them take some control.
• Skip the “just smile” instructions. Children can tell the difference between a performed smile and a real one, and so can the camera. Let them be them.
• Expect some awkwardness at the start — that’s normal, not a sign it’s not working. Most of the shift happens in the second half of a session, once a child stops performing and starts relaxing.
• Talk about the photos afterward, not just at pickup. Revisiting a favourite image together a few days later reinforces the moment more than the session itself does. Print it out, keep it in your purse, send a copy to the grandparents.
  

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a confidence photoshoot? A confidence photoshoot is a portrait session designed around a child or teen’s self-esteem and comfort in front of the camera, rather than around a specific product like holiday cards. The focus is on the experience — being seen, having input, and seeing themselves in a genuine, unposed way — as much as on the final images.

What age is right for a confidence-building photoshoot? Pre-teens (9–12) and teens (13–17) benefit most, since this is when self-consciousness about appearance tends to increase, but younger children can benefit too.

How do you prepare a nervous teen for their first solo photoshoot? Involve them in the planning ahead of time, keep the first several minutes low-pressure (movement, walking, talking — not posing), and give specific feedback in the moment rather than generic compliments, so they know exactly what’s working.

Do parents stay during the session? It is up to you. Most do stay, but are in the background letting the photographer get on with the shoot. It is up to you and your family’s choice.

Ready to Book?

If you’d like your daughter or son to have this kind of experience, I offer confidence sessions for tweens and teens in Alicante and across the wider Costa Blanca and Valencia region. Contact me here.

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About the photographer: Hannah Hutchins is a British photographer based in Alicante, Spain, working with families across the Costa Blanca and Valencia region. As a native English speaker, she works comfortably with both local and international/expat families who prefer to communicate in English.

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Source referenced: Amen, Daniel G., and Charles Fay. Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic to Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults. Tyndale Refresh, 2024.